reflection on the other choice

because
you knew
i would sit quietly by the door
cradle
your first-born son
to my breast,
each tiniest milk tooth a token
in mother-of-pearl
of your safe haven:
unchallenged grasp

you knew my eyes would not water
under a hot august noon
of slight indifference,
the seeds of my malcontent
folded deep
within the binding clay
of my convictions

you knew
this was my second
chance

You will continue to walk straight
ahead,
confident in the soft reluctance
of my following footsteps
your embrace is firm your distant gaze
unfaltering

i stand transfixed
unconvinced but
guided
by the principled determination
of my great misguided
loneliness

2005