still looking away

i sat there and looked out the window
over the parking lot
so i wouldn’t have to see
you leave


(nothing hurt you
you could do anything watch anything
happen to us              and still
slam that door)


it got harder
with my niña
getting bigger
and the second panza


it was my house now but you still
came with your key—
with your cruel poisonous words to
break me


La niña getting bigger
scratches, punches, kicks
says she doesn’t love me,
wants only you


you who made that mess with your cruelty
you
push her aside and walk out


she doesn’t want my embrace


i look out at that parking lot and
try not to feel
the same everlasting pain


11.01.05